When your little angel... isn't

Parenting can be rewarding yet challenging. One minute a child may charm you with angelic sweetness. The next minute, the same child may throw a rubber-legged fit, hit another child or even curse.

While there is no one proper way to handle each situation, local experts offer some parenting tips you may want to try.

Cursing

If a child curses, "don't laugh or overreact," said Regina Vieyra, parent coordinator/administrative assistant at the Yuma Reading Council. If the child gets a reaction from you, whether it is shock, anger or laughter, the child may say the offending word again, just to get another reaction.

Instead, you might use a calm voice and say something such as, "Those words are not nice" or "We don't say those words," Vieyra said.

And find out where the child is hearing such words. Is it from you, the television, or the child's friends? You may need to modify your own language or monitor the child's exposure to the source, she said.

Hitting

If a child hits someone, communicate with the child instead of getting angry, Vieyra said. Calmly explain that it hurts when he or she hits somebody. Sit both children down and ask the one who was hit how it feels, so the offending child can hear.

And teach children to say, "It hurts" if someone hits them. This teaches them to use words to express themselves, rather than hitting back, she said.

Temper tantrums

Although upsetting, it is normal for small children to throw temper tantrums, said Delcie Cachora, parenting aide with the Quechan Parenting Program in Winterhaven. But the tantrums will usually subside within a few minutes, she said.

Try to find out why the child is throwing a tantrum. Is the child tired, hungry or frustrated? Maybe you need to feed the child or put him or her down for a nap.

***image3:right*** Or you may need to redirect the child. If the child is frustrated because another child took away a toy, for example, you might try directing him or her to a different toy or activity.

Most small children respond well to communication and redirection, Cachora and Vieyra said.

Time out

When a child misbehaves and does not respond to communication or redirection, you may want to try using "time-outs" as a last resort, Cachora said.

Designate a time-out spot, such as the child's room, or a small time-out chair in the corner of the living room, she said. And use the child's age as a rule of thumb to determine the length of the time-out. A 3-year-old would spend three minutes in time-out, whereas a 4-year-old would spend four minutes, for example.

Tell the child why he or she is in time-out, so the child will learn that time out is a consequence of misbehavior.

Sometimes a child may kick and scream and resist time out. In such instances, try to stay calm and hold the child in your lap in the designated time-out spot.

But if you are unable to remain calm, you may need to take time out from the situation yourself. Call a friend to stay with your child while you take a walk or go in another room to calm down. And remember, it is OK to feel angry and frustrated, Cachora said. Just do not take out such feelings on your children.

Spanking

Should you spank your children, and does the law allow it?

Although Arizona law allows parents to spank children, Norma Alvarez, supervisor at Child Protective Services in Yuma, does not recommend it.

"As social workers, we recommend that parents refrain from using corporal punishment," she said. If parents spank children and leave any bruises, scratches or other marks anywhere on the children's bodies, that is legally considered child abuse, she said.

Because adults surpass children in size, any form of physical punishment has the potential to injure children, said Liz Renaud, professor of early childhood education at Arizona Western College. And it confuses children by teaching them that people who love them also hurt them, she said.

"There is no way I would advocate spanking," she said.

But if you choose spanking as a form of behavioral modification, she recommends that you "get your head back on first" rather than reacting in anger to a child's misbehavior. Be aware of the potential to harm the child, step back, breathe, count to 10 or do whatever it takes to calm down first, Renaud said.

Cachora and Vieyra also do not recommend spanking.

Alvarez suggests using other forms of discipline, such as time out, adding that parenting skills classes are available in the community. She also recommends calling the Parent Assistance Line at 1-800-732-8193 for help.

For parenting class information, call:

University of Arizona Cooperative Extension - Yuma County Family and Community, 726-3904

Yuma Reading Council Parenting Program, 343-9363

Quechan Parenting Program, 1-760-572-0487

Catholic Community Services, 341-9400

Arizona Western College Family and Consumer Sciences, 344-7559

Child Protective Services, 341-1159

Parent Assistance Line, 1-800-732-8193

Parenting classes are also available online.

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Nancy Gilkey can be reached at ngilkey@yumasun.com or 539-6851