The Psychological Effects of Domestic Violence in Children

When we discuss domestic violence, we tend to think of violence between two adults, typically husband and wife or domestic partners. We have long forgotten that in a large percentage of families who experience violence, children suffer in silence. A lot of the focus has been on the cycle of violence, power and control and safety plans for the adult victim. It is long overdue for us to raise awareness about the psychological, emotional, and social impact of violence on our children.

The research shows that children who have witnessed their mother getting hit or verbally abused, are also often hit and those who don't get physically abused tend to develop the same psychological trauma as if they themselves had been hit.

The effects of the trauma vary depending on the child's age, sex, and developmental level. For instance, it is common to see children aged 2-4 more aggressive than other children their age or even older. About 80% of these children externalize their learned behavior.

If these behaviors are not managed properly these children may develop a conduct disorder. These children become "the black sheep of the family," they are often in trouble at school, and they become very disrespectful to adult and authority figures, eventually end up in the juvenile justice system.

Other children tend to be extremely obedient and very passive. These children tend to develop personalities that are shy and sensitive. They have a lot of their anger and fear internalized, and they develop low-self esteem. Children with low self-esteem tend to develop a lack of interest in their schoolwork and in other social activities. They see their situation as helpless and hopeless with no end in sight, often developing depression.

Other roles or behaviors that children develop when they are experiencing domestic violence include the Super Hero. This children are often identified as outstanding or even gifted, they are extremely responsible and super organized. They want to correct all the wrong behaviors that are going on at home, but can't; they can only do it in the area where they feel and know they have some control over. This gives them some sense of gratification and purpose, which is something they should be getting from their parents at home.

Distraction or "spaced out" is another typical behavior these children manifest. This children feel personally responsible for what's going on at home. They also feel responsible for stopping it, but they know they can't, so they seclude themselves into their own little world. Many times they get into trouble at school for their distraction.

The class clown is another common behavior these children manifest at school. Perhaps this the healthiest way to deal with their situation, unfortunately, for teachers, this is one of the most annoying and disrupting behaviors in the classroom. This is a manifestation of their anxiety, they feel out of place at home and want to be the center of attention.

It is more prevalent for boys to externalize their feelings in an aggressive manner than girls. Many adolescents become abusive to their girlfriends. Unfortunately, if both teenagers come from abusive home environments, they see it as normal.

It is time to put an end to this cycle, and it starts with you. All parents must learn to manage their emotions properly, all parents must make the call if they are in an abusive situation for their sake and the sake of their children, and everyone who works with children must call the proper authorities, if you know or suspect the child you are working with is a victim of violence.

Remember the child is suffering and needs your help. Stop the violence. Get them counseling. If you don't do anything about it, we as a society end up paying the consequences, when this kid marries your son/daughter ten years from now, or when we end up paying for their stay in jail or corrections.

Fernando Estrada, L.C.S.W., is a psychotherapist and clinically certified domestic violence counselor. His office is located at 341 S. 2nd Ave., and he can be reached at 783-0334 or festradalcsw@yahoo.com.