Where are we going? Children's TV!

No parent wants to use television as a babysitter.

Check that - every parent WANTS to use television as a babysitter, none wants to admit it.

But there's nothing wrong with sharing the interactive viewing experience (sounds much better than boob tubing) with your young 'un.

The wife and I have basically have three shows we share with the kiddie - actually, it's a lot more since she doesn't understand what Cartman is saying and is too young to be confused and frustrated by the four-toed statue and smoke monster on "Lost." But we won't count those.

So three shows may not sound like a lot, but with how often "Wow Wow Wubbzy," "Dora the Explorer," and "Ni Hao, Kai-lan" are on, that pretty much encompasses 24 hours a day.

So here's a beginner's guide to these shows.

Dora the Explorer

The gold standard of interactive kiddie television. Dora constantly asks the view questions, waits for answers, and teaches, among other things, Spanish.
Pluses: Swiper is the lamest villain ever - a fox that steals things, but then just throws them into trees for Dora and her best friend, a monkey named Boots, to find. Not much of a thief, but teaches children that when something is stolen, the thief probably just want to toss it into a tree. Plus, it is actually the most legitimately educational of the kiddie shows.

Minuses: There's a bull that sounds like Harvey Firestein that is very creepy, plus Dora's cousin "Cheap Ploy For Spinoff and Extra Marketing To Boys Instead of Girls." Or maybe his name is Diego. Not sure. My year-old child has actually changed the channel when he shows up on screen. She put on SportsCenter. Daddy was happy.

Wow Wow Wubbzy

Wubbzy is a yellow, square man-child. He looks like SpongeBob, acts like SpongeBob, but brother, he ain't SpongeBob. Wubbzy is good for those who think SpongeBob is too edgy.

Pluses: Big-name mega talent. While Dora has to settle for a Paul Rodriguez or and Esai Morales, Wubbzy has landed Beyonce. Plus, one of the regular characters is the guy who was the Taco Bell Chihuahua. So it's got that going for it. And the theme song is ridiculously catchy.

Minuses: Booooooring. No interactivity, bland backgrounds and, for adults, lame stories. Stick with SpongeBob.

Ni Hao, Kai-lan

Basically, the Chinese version of Dora with niftier animation.

Pluses: Kai-lan sure chose a motley group of castoffs as her friends: A tiger who is a self-centered jerk, a super-sensitive koala that pouts all the time, a monkey (sound familiar?) and a pink rhinoceros that flies thanks to a balloon attached to her nose. And none of them get along, so Kai-lan has to play peacemaker.

Watching characters on a show aimed at five-year-olds act like jackanapes is hilarious.

Minuses: It's a new show, there's like only four episodes, and it airs six times a day. Do the math.

Now if only our children could enjoy a good old-fashioned Jack Bauer whopping! But, alas, this will have to do.