Give me Alaskan king crab fishing over the Manny show any day

All the signs that denote a national holiday are in full force today.
 
American flags are flying around town, there's plenty of fireworks talk and the Discovery Channel will play a marathon of one of Mike Rowe's shows. I'm betting on "Deadliest Catch."
 
As per usual with the Fourth of July weekend, the sports world is in a low that leads to the media leaching on to any story - no matter how aggravatingly annoying. This year is no exception with the biggest story of the holiday weekend being Manny Ramirez's return to the big leagues Friday.
 
Before the Dodgers game against the Padres even happened I was beyond irritated and ready to start handing out jumping back kicks a la Izzy Alcantara. I only bring this reference up because Friday was the eight year anniversary of Alcantara's astounding kick to a catcher's face before rushing the mound after getting brushed back for a second time in a AAA game.
 
Alcantara might have caught a bad rap after his crafty maneuver, but I can't think of a better way to strike fear in opposing teams. This action clearly required long nights of planning and forethought before being executed in an actual game. He should be lauded as a trail blazer or one of the great thinkers in America's pastime.
 
Instead of rushing the mound to attack a pitcher and allowing the catcher to come up behind him to ruin his fun, Alcantara made sure to put the catcher out of commission before attempting to assault the man on the mound.
 
This guy obviously belonged in a clubhouse somewhere as a coach where he could pass on his great ideas rather than attempt to knock out every member of an enemy team. I guess those who can't do teach, and those who can't play on after some sweet chin music bust out mixed martial arts moves on the diamond.
 
Alcantara tirade aside, I was unfortunate enough to catch Ramirez's press conference before his first game back and boy do I regret it. I feel sorry for any media members forced to cover this charade as they might as well have been interviewing a pile of concrete aggregate behind a folding table.  
 
Only Manny would hold a press conference after his 50-game suspension where he wouldn't discuss his suspension or comment on his link with banned substances. Of course he offered a forced apology that would make Michael Phelps' "I'm sorry for smoking weed, although I spend the better part of my day in a body of water and eating anything that doesn't move" apology look sincere.
 
Did anyone else find it amusing that the Kellogg Co. (one of the biggest manufacturers of stoner-related foods and snacks) dropped a giant star for a photo of him inhaling from a bong? Have you seen what the Kellogg Co. produces? Take a look at some of their products: Rice Krispies cereal, E.L. Fudge cookies, Pop Tarts and Cheez-It crackers. Isn't this the definition of the pot (not the drug) calling the kettle black?
 
The only thing Manny really said at his press conference was that he's glad to be back with the Dodgers. I'm glad he took the time out of his and many people's day to air this world-changing thought. It's good to know Manny's ready to start getting paid for playing baseball again. But I wonder what he is actually sorry for after deflecting questions like a well-trained politician.
 
Thanks for wasting everyone's time Manny. Now you can get back to looking like a hobo lost in the Dodgers' outfield. It's a good thing you play in a forgiving city like Los Angeles and get by with your "Manny being Manny" personality trait or this could be a major hinderance on your career.
 
On the plus side, we can't be too far from Opilio crab season.

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Nick Miller can be reached at nmiller@yumsun.com or 539-6867.